The Beer Test
In 2000, people famously said they would rather have a beer with George W. Bush than Al Gore. I was never sure that this meant they liked Bush, as he is an alcoholic, and having that beer with him could ruin Bush’s life...but pollsters assured us that the desire to perform an act that could have ended the future President’s career and marriage, and endangered his health, was a show of likability. And likability is what kept Bush close enough to win an electoral college victory.
If that’s so, then the Romney campaign is off to a poor start, as they are currently running an ad in Iowa in which Romney’s wife assures us he has a lousy sense of humor. I gather the idea is to “humanize” him, as if being painfully dull and unfunny is something we actually want. That’s not going to make Romney seem beer-worthy.
And then there’s the big problem: Mormons don’t drink. Nothing seems more designed to make Mormonism seem like a silly cult: Catholics drink wine in church, while Protestants drink beer immediately after, when the football comes on. The Mormons spend that time looking for the golden tablets from God that John Smith misplaced, I guess. The terrorists don’t drink, either, you know. Why, if we stop drinking as a country, that would mean the terrorists have won. Romney can never win the beer test, which I guess means America is never going to like him.
